4 min read

Home Remedy Extravaganza

I'm sick.

Not in the way that I'm, like... always sick. In exciting news, by the way, I'm about to start treatment to try to fix one of the two chronic illnesses I've been diagnosed with! The treatment involves me stabbing myself in the abdomen every other week! I'm living the dreeeeam!

It seems insulting that a person with an autoimmune disease can still get sick. I know that it's kind of the whole deal with autoimmune diseases, but it still feels unjust. If my immune system is so jacked up that it's attacking my own body, shouldn't it be powerful enough to keep me from catching a dang cold?

Anyway. I'm sick, and I hate it. I have a huge pile of things to do, and no time to do them, and my productivity for the last week has been in the toilet because of this cold. So I took to twitter to ask for home remedies.

The answers were largely similar: ginger, garlic, whiskey, spicy food, hot broth, rest. Some people suggested medicine, which I would argue isn't a home remedy so much as a... regular remedy (which I've already been using with extreme prejudice). Enough people suggested putting onions on various parts of my body that I think I've spotted a fetish community. And, of course, there were a lot of essential oil enthusiasts.

I did what I do best, and boiled down all the different suggestions to come up with my own thing. First, I ate ramen that was so spicy I got a gushing nosebleed, so my sinuses are no longer a going concern. Then, I set about making a potion:

The Ginger Slam

Look at this motherfucker.
This is a gingerroot the size of my entire hand.
For this recipe, I used half of it. First, I broke off all the most appealling knobs.

Peel, slice, and dice.
Most of this got diced, but I also sliced off several Large Disks and Hunks for later devourment.

Honey syrup.
Half of the ginger went into my trusty saucier along with about a third of a cup of raw honey and a third of a cup of water. I boiled it all together until there were bubbles, then let it sit over the dead burner for a couple of minutes to settle. A note on raw honey: I don't have any notes on raw honey. I bought this honey because the jar was cool. Honey raw-ness is something that I should probably have an opinion on, but I just don't know a single thing about it! I don't even know what makes it raw. As a rule, I support bees.

The other half of the ginger went into this jar along with quite a lot of Bulleit Rye. I used Bulleit Rye because I happen to have a huge bottle of it sitting around. I topped up the jar with water because my eyes were burning from the sheer quantity of rye I was pouring into the jar, and I succumbed to cowardice.

I let these two jars sit for a few hours, so that the ginger could exude its healsome vapors out into the honey and the whiskey. Then, when I couldn't wait anymore, I proceeded to the assembly phase.

Ginger-infused whiskey
Ginger-infused honey-syrup
Reed's Extra Ginger Brew
One sad lemon

Into the glass
2 oz ginger-infused rye whiskey
.5 oz ginger-infused honey syrup
The juice of one entire sad lemon
Top with Reed's Extra Ginger Brew
Add one large hunk of ginger from each jar (to eat whole)

Good lord, this is a lot of ginger. I love ginger, and I was a little intimidated. That said, the whole thing tastes great (if you like ginger) and it knocked my cold out for a round. I was able to get a decent night's sleep, and this morning, I woke up with a lot more vim and a good deal more vigor than I had yesterday. I highly recommend the application of the Ginger Slam to any ailment aside from ailments caused by an excess of ginger.